I’m creeping up to 15 mini-games done. There is good variety! I’m so happy. Some interesting developments on direction…
Once I reach 20 I’m going to hide the 20 (or so) other mini-games inside these games. So you are presented with these “pages” and then discover that the “pages” have lots of depth to them. Kind of like matryoshka dolls (you know, those Russian dolls).
You can get lost in these vignettes, and they’ll layer over eachother. I feel like this will give it a lot of depth. It will also be less predictable. You click on something, and more unexpected things happen.
I’m happy with how it looks right now. I really hope that it will be unique. I also feel like acting like “this is my final game” is giving me a lot of motivation to really make it MY way. I’m taking time to do this right. It’s definitely shaping up to be MY game. Uncertain if there will ever be an audience proper (financially sustainable) for the stuff I make, but as long as I can make it I am absolutely grateful.
…I don’t know. Overthinking the future is bad, especially when you don’t see one for yourself.
A while ago, I wrote the Artist’s Statement about Everything Is Going To Be OK. Finally I have something spot-on for what I’m doing :) Here:
This zine is a collection of life experiences, commentary on struggle, and oddly enough my own version of a power-fantasy. I have come to think that we have a backward idea of power, and perception of strength. We always have, and I think this is a byproduct of a historically patriarchal system. From religion, to politics, to economics, power is viewed as how many people you can subjugate. Respect is how many people fear you because of your power. How you can get what you want at the expense of others, how you are the biggest dog in the dog-eat-dog world that we have created for ourselves…
Our popular entertainment has always drawn from this point of view. It’s simply fact. You use your power to hurt your enemies and eliminate them.
We don’t really have a concept, in our culture, or discussion about alternative views of power from a survivor’s standpoint. How is it like for survivors? Are people that live with trauma strong? Are people with mental disorders, or PTSD strong? Why is suicide seen as selfish and weak, when the person that lived with it got as far as they did? We don’t popularly view survivors, victims, traumas, etc, as strength. It is a weakness, and I don’t like that. I think this is because we have created a culture where we cannot really ever move past pain. We don’t teach people how to heal, to overcome, or be powerful. We teach people to be perpetual survivors. We live with pain, but no way of transcending it. I think a lot of this can be credited to how we view “strength”. I don’t think the icon, epitome, of strength should be how many people you can hurt, conquer, overcome, but how much of this abuse you can overcome. How long you can live with what happened to you. How strong you are for being here. How powerful you are for being strong because you have no other option but to be strong.
Surviving is one thing, but living with it is an entirely different fight, and I think this is where examples of real strength are.
If approached from this point of view then it is an obvious conclusion that you should be celebrated simply for being here.
You are normal for your imperfections, and the way you cope. You are the hero in the story of your life, and you have every right to be proud.
These are a collection of very abstract life experiences, things I felt while going through hard times, and how I felt, or moved on, afterward.
A lot of it is presented via humor, or creates ridiculous circumstances, because I feel like life is ridiculous. It’s one damn thing after the other and after a while there’s nothing left to do but laugh at it. Humor is what helps take the edge off, perhaps even create a platform for transcendence. Either way, it has been cathartic.
IN OTHER NEWS…
I’ll be going to GDC! Yay! It worked out!
This also means that I’m bailing on my “Developers fantasizing about attending GDC because they can’t go” facebook event.
This seems to be a pattern with me. I did the same thing with IndieCade and got people all hyped up about “standing outside and awkwardly waving at the people on the inside with me” and then I bailed on that because I was a finalist. I am such a sell-out. So typical of indie.
If anyone wants to meet up, I’ll be arriving on the 28th!
Yay! So excited.
Since the charity run is over, Everything Is Going To Be OK is no longer available, BUT if anyone is interested in checking it out, email me. I will be happy to send a recent build (updated frequently).
[…] I mean, a lot of this is coming from my point of view. It’s metaphor, and feelings, from (like I say) a survivors point of view. This is one of the hardest things to discuss, without […]