Everything Is Going To Be OK (milestone update!)

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I did it! Page 10 is done, and that means I did 10 minigames! AaAaaaAaaah!
I said I would make a big deal about having 10 done, because (for me) this means I just have to repeat what I did 3 more times to get to 40.
40 seems much more doable now.
Seeing that I started working on this in November, it’s taken me… what?… 3 months to get here? That’s a padded estimate. Wow! I think I can actually reach my goal! It’s doable.

Ok, before I share more about it, I would like to cordially invite you to my alternative GDC event:
Developers fantasizing about attending GDC because they can’t go

I started this thinking I might not be able to go. Seeing that I am now just realizing that this is probably going to be the case… you know financial reasons… I could afford traveling there, but not the pass to actually get in… I think it is best for me to put my financial resources into actually making a game. This is the responsible thing to do. I am adulting responsibly… but you know. Maybe something could still happen and I get a pass or get in somehow and can go a little… Such an emotional journey!
Ok then.

The last couple of mini-games to Everything Is Going To Be OK have gotten pretty elaborate. They are more like mini-games than just “pages you interact with”. This is largely because I’m getting carried away with ideas.

I also like the direction a lot more since my last update. Some parts are just there for plain fun too, and have nothing to do with life stuff. I think it’s a good balance because it keeps things from getting too gloomy. Maybe I’m repeating myself from last updates…

It’s also surprising how much generative stuff is getting in. I guess it is a fun thing to combine with interactive art.

I have a post-it note with “OPTIMIZE!” written on it, so that’s definitely the next step. It does need some optimization (performance speaking). This is a thing you should do sooner, than later anyways.
What I plan to do next is update my builds, so I can share it with some people. I’m also submitting it to events because I think it is ready to start seeing the light of day… and get judged harshly… with the critical hammer of the art-police… ok. I’m getting carried away.


Like I said often, this is a very personal game, and I’m putting a lot of my own story into it (actually it’s all “me”… but whatever, language).
So some things I’ve been thinking about (while making this) in regards to “mental illness” (ptsd, depression, etc.)…

Why do we call it an illness if everyone has one? What is normal? Why do I have to wear the stigmatization of trauma, and depression as a weight? It feels often like we don’t allow ourselves to be stronger than what is socially acceptable, or are allowed to see ourselves as beautiful for what we have survived and what we must live with.
Can’t we admit that we are normal for having this? We might even be admirable, respectable, and strong for how we live with it… I want to celebrate myself, not spiral.
I have lost count of how many “dark” life situations I’ve been in where I only had myself to pull myself up. Afterwards, you are greeted with a culture that tells you that you should be sad, and ill about it. As if you are only entitled to help after it happened. Why?

Two main questions I keep asking myself (as I make this):

Can’t we celebrate our problems, pains, anxieties, scars, or are we supposed to spend the rest of our life crying about them?

Can’t we celebrate ourselves despite our brokenness or are we only allowed to do that if we are perfect?

There are lots of initiatives to portray women with disabilities (example: amputees) as beautiful. There are calendars where they pose beautifully, and fashion lines catered to them, all exhibiting how gorgeous and strong they are. I think there was even a Ted Talk about this, but I can’t find it now.
Body positive imagery is also really starting to be a thing. You get the idea.
Why can’t people dealing with mental “illnesses” have that?
I feel like (often while I make this) that I should be guilty about putting this in a positive or humorous light (I’m “making fun of”). Like the only emotion I am allowed to feel about my personal history, and problems, is dark cold grief (how you would portray it in art). Is that the only way I can allow myself to view this? It seems like it creates a constant cycle of guilt and depression then.

Maybe there is a lot of creative ground to cover, and conceptions to overcome, regarding how I allow myself to view and talk about this.
Although I don’t know. I find working on this very cathartic. The end result is something that would speak to me.

At any rate, these have been my thoughts lately…

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