Scrumptious Vegan Chips, Spiced Fig Granola, and Raw Seaweed Jerky Recipes

#1 Garam Masala Dillweed Chips

(Makes 2 dehydrator platters, you can also easily sun dry this if you don’t have a dehydrator, OR enjoy it in its delicious moisty state)

Garam Masala is a sweet curry that is a popular Indian and South Asian spice mixture. It contains a lot of clove, cardamom, and cinnamon. It’s very delicious, and excellent in (raw) stews, bean dishes, flax/chia crackers, or exotic coleslaw. Garam Masala from Hindi means “hot mixture”. Although the word “garam” means hot it does not refer to the spice’s heat intensity (like chilies) but it refers to the spice’s pungent nature. It’s very strong so use moderately.

The Spices:

*2 intensely heaped tablespoons Garam Masala OR Chinese 5 Spice (which is a similar spice mix)
*2 tablespoons freshly ground peppercorns
*1 heaped teaspoon cumin powder
*5 heaped tablespoons onion granules
*3 heaped tablespoons garlic granules
*3+ considerably heaped tablespoons dill weed
*1 heaped tablespoons kala namak (kala namak is a black mineral salt often used in chaat masala that smells like bad eggs and tastes as fabulously delicious as it reeks of the curiously poignant. Although that sounded a bit off-putting it’s well worth trying, and adds a very deep attractive well-received flavor to any dish.), OR celtic sea salt to taste, OR 3 tablespoons tamari, OR 1 tablespoon miso… It’s a wide variety of salting options. Pick your pleasure.

The Chewables:

*3 pounds ribbon cut coconut shreds!
*1 apeshit-heaped cup coconut oil!
*3 profuse cups water
*AND 1 squeeezed lime/lemon

*In a mixing bowl mix the aforementioned chewable and mix thoroughly
*Add the spices and mix thoroughly

*Place on a couple of platters and throw that shit in the dehydrator.
*If you don’t have a dehydrator then sun-dry it (if you live in a sunny part of the world). It’s fun, and if you really get into it, you can economically make your own solar dehydrator. Sun drying tastes even better and is healthier. I’ll spare you the scientific quackery behind that last statement…
**Done in about 24 hours.

It’s impossible to get fattened by raw coconut products. I eat 5+ fresh coconuts a day and, in light of my body weight, people are shocked when I tell them that. Apparently “fat” isn’t a word you use for people that regularly indulge in a high raw-coconut diet. The key lies in the type of fat coconuts are packed full of. Farmers that fed their pigs a diet high in coconut oil (while investigating fattening alternatives) ended up with lean pigs.
Other than it’s valuable fat content coconut also boasts a load of other benefits, like killing bacteria and viruses and boosting immunity (which the coconut oil is especially valued for)… it also makes a cheap alternative for lantern oil. This shit can multitask, you see.

Store bought coconut shreds are the by product of coconut oil production. The shreds purchased lack the oil, since the oil and moisture have been removed. This is to promote shelf-life. If you wouldn’t add water and oil the chips would not get crunchy. The more water you add the crunchier they become. Ideally you can open fresh mature coconuts and substitute that flesh for the shreds, oil and water. That tastes even more delicious and fresh. The only downside is that it’s a bitch to pick off 3 pounds of fresh flesh.

Although I DO recommend giving it a try! If you dehydrate fresh coconut flesh and then run it through a juicer (a few times) or blender till puréed you can make your own coconut creme (for significantly cheaper/fresher/tastier than the creme you buy).

#2 5 Spice Paprika Nori Jerky

Seaweed Jerky Recipe

(Makes 2 dehydrator platters, OR enjoy it in its wet state as a seaweed salad.)

Here’s why Nori (or any seaweed, really) is awesome:

Vitamin B12 from dried purple laver (nori) appears to be bio-available. Source here.

Vitamin B12 contents of various Korean purple laver products were determined with the microbiological vitamin B12 assay method. Although a substantial amount (133.8 ?g/100 g) of vitamin B12 was found in dried purple laver, seasoned and toasted laver products contained lesser vitamin B12 contents (about 51.7 ?g/100 g). The decreased vitamin B12 contents in the seasoned and toasted laver products, however, were not due to loss or destruction of vitamin B12 during the toasting process. Silica gel 60 thin layer chromatography?bioautogram analysis indicated that all Korean laver products tested contain true vitamin B12, but not inactive corrinoid compounds. In vitro gastrointestinal digestion experiments indicated that digestion rate of vitamin B12 from the dried Korean purple laver was estimated to be 50% under pH 2.0 conditions (as a model of normal gastric function). These results suggest that Korean purple laver products would be excellent vitamin B12 sources for humans, especially vegetarians. Source here.

“The purple laver contained five types of biologically active vitamin B12 compounds (cyano-, hydroxo-, sulfito-, adenosyl- and methylcobalamin), in which the vitamin B12 coezymes (adenosyl- and methylcobalamin) comprised about 60 % of the total vitamin B12. When 9-week-old vitamin B12-deficient rats, which excreted substantial amounts of methylmalonic acid (71.7(se 20.2) micromol/d) in urine, were fed the diet supplemented with dried purple laver (10 microg/kg diet) for 20 d, urinary methylmalonic acid excretion (as an index of vitamin B12 deficiency) became undetectable and hepatic vitamin B12 (especially adenosylcobalamin) levels were significantly increased. Source here.

Aside from laver (nori), kelp, alaria (like wakambe), and dulse, all have haigh amounts of human-utilizable B12. One half pound alaria (which is a large single portion) will supply ten times the daily amount needed. One-half ounce dulse, which has the lowest amount of human-active B12 from tested sea vegetables, will also meet the daily requirements.

At any rate…

The Spices:

*1 teaspoon ground peppercorns
*1 rather heaped teaspoon Chinese 5 Spice
*2 heaped tablespoons onion granules
*1 graciously heaped tablespoons paprika powder
*1 tablespoon oregano
*1 teaspoon thyme
*1+ handfuls chopped maitake, or shiitake mushrooms

The Chewables:

*1/2 pound whole leaf laver (nori) (You can use any other whole leaf sea weed). You may want to briefly pick through the leaves… Sometimes you’re greeted with surprise ocean.

**Briefly rinse the seaweed (to soften it)

*1/2 cup coconut oil!
*About 3 tablespoons tamari OR 1 heaped tablespoon miso (Salt to taste… depends on how salty the seaweed is. Taste it first.)
*Optional soaked black sesame seeds

*In a food bowl mix all the ingredients.
*Spread on a dehydrator platter.
*AND Throw that shit into a dehydrator!
**Done in about 24 hours.

Nori Jerky

#3 Spiced Fig Christmas Chaga Granola

(Makes 3+ Dehydrator Platters)

Chaga Granola Recipe

The Spices:

*1 tablespoon vanilla bean powder
*1 heaped tablespoon Chinese 5 Spice
*3 rather heaped tablespoons cinnamon
*2+ heaped tablespoons powdered chaga mushroom (No more than 4 tablespoons. Chaga gives this a pleasantly nutty mocha flavor. It’s an insanely healthy healing mushroom most noted for it’s cancer fighting capabilities. Especially in cancers affecting the breast, liver and uterus. Korean research has also shown that cells infused with chaga mushroom extracts where significantly more resistant to DNA damage upon exposure to oxidation agents. It has a cultural history in traditional medicine. In many parts of Asia and Russia it is still commonly used to fight various illnesses.)
*1 cup cacao nibs
*1 thoroughly heaped tablespoon green stevia leaf powder for its sweetness and smooth nutty licorice flavor

The Chewables:

*3 pounds shredded coconut!
*Juice of 1/2 pressed lemon or 1 pressed orange
*3 cups water
*2+ gratuitously heaped cups coconut oil!

*A fistful of chopped figs
*5+ fresh apples chopped, grated, sliced and diced like a motherfucker
*1+ cups raisins

*In a mixing bowl mix all the chewables
*Add the spices and mix thoroughly

*Distribute on dehydrator platters and throw that shit into the dehydrator
**Done in about 24 hours.

Chaga Granola